THE KENYAN DAILY TRUTH: 2013-03-03

Saturday, 9 March 2013

HOW TO RIG AND "WIN" AN ELECTION IN KENYA...

1. Ensure an election body is so hopelessly weak that it cannot even

procure the basic election equipment without the intervention
of the government.

2. Once procured, all the equipment spectacularly fails on election day
forcing it to resort to manual registers.

3. The electronic live streaming of the results crashes on Day 2 of
national tallying. Assure citizens that it just crashed due to overload, oh,
by the way the spoilt votes were being multiplied by a factor of 8,
but don't worry all the valid votes did not get affected.

4. Some candidates have concerns about the figures being tallied from
some constituencies, but when they raise them, kick them out of the
tallying centre.

5. When some candidates try to raise their concerns through the
media, they cannot be reported live for the sake of peace.

6. Make 'peace' the defining issue of this election and saturate the
airwaves with messages of peace to remind Kenyans that they should
not misbehave like the last time.

7. On Day 5 (Friday), belatedly acknowledge that the results already
announced have 'some discrepancies' and will be audited before a final result being declared. But continue announcing the new results as they come.

8. Despite promising the formal announcement on Saturday at 11
a.m., and since you are continuing to post new results on your board, one candidate eventually passes the 50% mark and the private (peace) media decides we have elected our 4th president (notwithstanding we don't know the result of the audit).

9. Meanwhile, the public broadcaster (KBC) plays it safe and continue showing us what's happening in the rest of the world through BBC (at least they haven't
started playing peace songs or marshal music).

10. Announce formal results at 11 a.m. as promised, by which time,
one wonders whether you have what it takes to reverse all of the above,
even if you confirmed your discrepancies in the audit you promised last night...

Courtesy of Facebbok..

Citizen TV’s SK MACHARIA faints after hearing reports that UHURU KENYATTA has won

The Kenyan DAILY TRUTH has learnt that media Mogul SK Macharia fainted on Saturday morning, after he heard reports that Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta is the fourth President of Kenya.

Credible sources said Macharia was resting at his home when heard the reports at 3.10 am that Uhuru is the new President of Kenya through his wife. Immediately, Macharia fainted and he was rushed to a hospital where he was discharged after undergoing some medical checkups.

Macharia, who is the owner of Royal Media Services (RMS), has been a chief critic of Uhuru Kenyatta and he has been using his media stations to preach negative news on Uhuru and Eldoret North MP William Ruto.

At one time, Macharia who is a close ally of Prime Minister Raila Odinga, refused to air an Uhuru Kenyatta advert on his Citizen TV, saying he does not air adverts for “war criminals”

Macharia has also been using his foot soldier Waweru Mburu on preaching negative news on Uhuru and Ruto through radio stations affiliated with RMS.

Macharia has been campaigning for Raila Odinga directly and indirectly but unfortunately he was trounced by Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta.

Uhuru Kenyatta is the FOURTH President of Kenya.

Final Tally

RAILA 5,340,546 UHURU 6,173,433

UHURU 50.07%, more than 25% in at least 32 Counties.

Final Tally: KIYIAPI 40,998 KARUA 43,881 DIDA 483,981 MUITE 12,580 KENNETH 72,786

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

UHURU KENYATTA Expected in HAGUE on MONDAY by ICC...The day when Elections will be announced...

The International Criminal Court (ICC) has scheduled a status conference for the Jubilee flag bearer Uhuru Kenyatta and former Head of Civil Service Francis Muthaura on Monday.

In an order dated Tuesday, the three-judge Bench said the main purpose of the status conference is for the Chamber to receive additional information following requests by the two suspects that their cases be referred back to the Pre-trial Chamber for reconsideration.

“In accordance with Rule 132(2) of the Rules of Procedure and Evidence, a status conference shall be held on March 11, from 12-13.30 and 14-16.00,” the order read in part.
The judges have asked the defence and prosecution teams to file their submissions by tomorow.

“The Prosecution and the Defence should be in a position to make oral submissions in response to the other parties’ written submissions and related questions the Chamber may have on the relevant filings,” the judges said.

Recently, Bensouda agreed that the case against Muthaura could be referred back to the Pre-Trial Chamber.

She acknowledged the prosecution had dropped one of the witnesses whose testimony was crucial in securing the confirmation of charges.

The prosecutor said she did not object to Muthaura’s case being refered back to the Pre-Trial Chamber.

KENYAN MEN BEWARE: UNMASKING The UGANDAN WOMAN

Uganda is fast becoming a metropolitan country. Kampala is full of people from various countries thanks to Makerere university and now that East African companies are flooding the market, professionals are now also flocking the city. The interesting facet is that of all the East African residents in Kampala, its only the Kenyan men who chase Ugandan women; Tanzanians stick to their own as the Rwandese and Burundi . This is most fascinating as it does say something about the Kenyan women, as even Ugandan men shun them after enjoying them in their first year of university.

There is no doubt that our Ugandan women are fascinating as even white men can never get enough of them but a lot of hidden dangers lay with these women than many men, especially Kenyan, only find out when it’s too late. I heard a Kenyan guy complaining over the weekend and thought it best to warn others who might be tempted by our voluptuous women.

Big Butt Ain’t Nothing But Big Stress

The first point of attraction to our women is their enormously shaped behind. Kenyan men are not used to such women so they instantly go wild upon seeing our women strutting around with balloons attached to their ends…please note that it’s not as a result of fat but genetic features inscribed particularly to our women. The curiosity and fascination soon leads to temptation then experimentation and end in vexation because the bigger the butt the bigger the drama my brother.

Mattress Killers

It is no secret that Ugandan women squirt upon climax. This has always fascinated Kenyan men and the glee upon discovering this unique feature is often evident. At first it is intriguing and they want to try more and more but after a while they realize the repercussions of this ‘gift’ when they have to keep replacing mattresses. After sex, one has to strip the bed f the sheets then place the mattress out to dry- this is often a telltale sign of a good romp- but one can only do this for so long and good mattresses don’t come cheap. So unless you buy a liner to protect your mattress, which is also not cheap, your enjoyment of squirting shall become a very expensive delight.

Easy To Get Hard To Get Away From

It is very easy to nail a Ugandan chick, especially if she thinks you have money. She will surrender her goodies to extract goodies from you and she will stop at nothing to do so. You will get ‘please call me’ texts every five minutes and when those expire missed calls every two minutes. Even at 1am she will give you missed calls…they never airtime somehow. If you have a wife, you are finished my brother as they shall demand to know who keeps calling you or texting at odd hours. If she knows where you live she will come daily and ‘move in’ with you…so just remember the easier to land the harder to go.

Dead Relatives

Our women love money. They need to dress well, smell well and buy new hairs for themselves…none of this is cheap. Because they have pride and don’t want to seem like beggars, they find other ways, creative ways, to extract money from men- especially foreign men who don’t know them. It starts with the death of an uncle and the imperative need to travel to the village at a time where money is ‘scarce’. Then if the bastard falls for it more relatives follow and more and more. Of course one cannot challenge them as you shall seem insensitive and of course she will give you good sex hours before breaking the news but once you find out you were played for a fool its too late because you’ll only discover it when she plays the same trick on some other guy using the same newly resurrected relatives.

Feathers Of Your Bird

Now our women have a rule “If you want to be with me you must impress my friends first”, so even if you meet her on her own and you ask her for her number…the day you want to take her out she will come with not one but four friends. This often shocks Kenyan men as they expect one person to enter the car (you must pick up a Ugandan chick not expect her to make her way there) but sees five silhouettes approaching him. We learnt this about them and developed a way to beat their game…of course I shall share:

1. Call her and tell her you have something urgent to talk about that is upsetting you

2. Do not mention the word food or drinks

3. When she enters your car make sure she doesn’t have her phone

4. Drive away as fast as you can to the club or restaurant

This is the only way to make sure her pals don’t come to leech on your time and

money…otherwise you shall be left with a hefty bill and not even a kiss goodnight.

So before you jump on a Ugandan chick best be sure that you are ready for the consequences that follow.

RAILA ODINGA will floor UHURU KENYATTA in the first round …. KALONZO MUSYOKA maintains

CORD running mate and Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka has said he is confident that CORD alliance will win the upcoming election in first round.

Addressing the media at CORD’s alliance headquarters, Kalonzo said the Independent and Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) had not released results from their strongholds.

“We have noted the process of releasing results by IEBC system is slow even in areas close to Nairobi and we have forwarded our concerns in this regard and we hope that that they will deal with them expeditiously and transparently,” the VP said.

Kalonzo who is Prime Minister Raila Odinga running mate said only a third of the votes had been counted.

He said CORD will overtake Jubilee’s Uhuru Kenyatta because two –thirds, which translates to about 65 percent, had not been received.

The VP who looked calm and confident said it was worrying that some of their competitors had started premature celebration “that are neither based on data nor fact”

I.E.B.C systems Hacked..But the 2 hackers Arrested..

I.E.B.C realized that their system had been hacked into. The programmer was
given instruction to input a permanent difference between UHURU and RAILA with
more than 400,000 votes.

It had been realized that it could not be changed under any circumstances (after
being programmed), unless they posted the data a fresh. THE 2 GUYS INVOLVED
HAVE BEEN ARRESTED
There is a lot of scrutiny at BOMAS and people are on high alert. Any form of
inaccurate tally is put aside and INDIVIDUALS involved personally HELD
RESPONSIBLE

Having detected this at around 3pm yesterday, the Commission had no option
but to fully go manual. It would have been worse had it not been detected.
As much as the media got the result, and we know who has won, I have decided to
be patient to wait for I.E.B.C to announce the results.

Be patient.

MIKE SONKO is dating RACHAEL SHEBESH??.....LOOK at this SHOCKING development

Romour has it that former MPs Mike Mbuvi and Rachael Shebesh, who are members of The National Alliance (TNA) party, are more than political allies.

Credible sources said Sonko and Shebesh, who have been campaigning as a package in the Nairobi County, retire to the same house and even share rooms whenever they are in far flung areas.

Their supporters say the two, both married, are almost coming to declare that they are not just political allies but an item going by their behavior in recent times.

Also, a source from Nakuru said that there is a time when Sonko and Shebesh booked the same room at wee hours of the night at a popular Nakuru resort.

“They looked tipsy and were in each other arms, they requested the hotel security to guard them until they check out the next morning,” said the source.

The guards hoping to get kitu kidogo the next morning did not leave until midday only for the ‘two lovers” to drive off in tinted cars.

Sonko is eyeing the Nairobi Senate Seat while Shebesh is vying for the Nairobi women representative seat on a TNA ticket.

SHOCKING: MUSALIA MUDAVADI’s runningmate votes for UHURU KENYATTA

Mudavadi’s running mate, Jeremiah Kioni intentionally forgot to vote for his Presidential candidate.

Ndururumo polling station where Musalia Mudavadi's running mate, Jeremiah Kioni cast his vote gives Mudavadi zero (0) as presidential votes while all votes cast go to Uhuru Kenyatta in the presidential slot.

This means that even Kioni did not vote for him...

Did he do this intentionally or all along he has been cheating Musalia Mudavadi?

LIST OF VETERAN POLITICIANS WHO HAVE LOST IN THIS ELECTION

1.NAJIB BALALA

2.CHARITY NGILU

3.CHIRAU MWAKERE

4.JOSHUA KUTTUNY

5.HENRY KOSGEI

6.SAM ONGERI

7.KIEMA KILONZO

8.DANSON MUNGATANA

9.JOHN MUTUTHO

10.HARUN MWAU

11.NJERU GITHAE

12.AYIECHO OLWENY

13.SAMUEL POGHISIO

14.WILLIAM OLE NTIMAMA

16 BIWOTT

17.MUNGATANA

17.BIFWOLI WAKOLI

FORA statement on the ongoing IEBC presidential vote tallying

1.The Friends of Raila (FORA) Secretariat thanks Kenyans for coming out in large numbers and conducting ourselves in a patriotic and orderly manner during the historic voting exercise yesterday, March 4, 2013.

2.We want to bring to your attention that we have our presidential tallying centre. We are receiving results from our Agents across the country as they are announced at the polling centers. The numbers we have look very good and we urge our supporters not to buy into the scare on TV screens. We have not released our in-house tallies because the Captain signed the IEBC code-of-conduct and he has urged us to be responsible and to wait on IEBC’s results. We are continuing to monitor IEBC’s provisional results and only making contact for clarification where there are any serious discrepancies with our in-house tallies. We reiterate that so far the numbers that we have are looking very good and our supporters should not be alarmed at all.

3.We remind Kenyans to note that so far IEBC has released only a fraction of the total votes cast across the country. Of importance to note is that the percentages of votes per county released by IEBC so far is not uniform. Different counties have different percentages of votes tallied so far. Statistically therefore, the national average, which is what TV screens are displaying, cannot and should not be used by our competitors or anyone to misinform and mislead the public that someone is cumulatively ahead. We urge our supporters and the public to look at the numbers being screened on TVs in context as well as in relation to statistics paradoxes. As of this morning IEBC had indicated they had provisional results from about 8000 polling centres. Across the country we have over 31000 polling centres.

4.We want our supporters to note that IEBC erred in beginning to release provisional results while voting was still going on in many polling centres. Also the initial provisional results that were released to the public were those from our competitor’s strongholds. We wish to inform the public that at some point immediately thereafter the IEBC system went down, affecting the streaming of live results. In addition, our supporters should note that just a few tallies have been released by IEBC from our strongholds.

5.In closing, we want to say again that our in-house tallying numbers are looking very good and we are poised for a big win! We ask for calmness as IEBC continues to release the results. Always bear in mind that the numbers coming in are not uniform across the counties and therefore the average percentage cannot and should not be used as a national average. The results in so far are provisional. In fullness of time, we are headed for a big win.

For any further information please contact the undersigned.

Signed:
George Nyongesa |CEO, The Friends of Raila | Tel: +254 720 451 235 / 733 827 859 |Email: grnyongesa@yahoo.com

Cc: Hon. Kalonzo Musyoka
Hon. Anyang Nyong’o
Hon. Franklin Bett
Dr. Jarunda
Mr. Eliud Owallo
Mr. Jaoko Oburu.

BIG EMBARASMENT for Kibaki as Mary Wambui beats his favourite by far to clinch Othaya seat...

Ms MaryWambui Munene captured the Othaya parliamentary seat after a tense race with President Kibaki’s preferred successor, Mr James GichukiMugambi.
Wambui garnered 16,285 votes against city lawyer Peter King’ara’s 14,218 and Mugambi’s 10,972.

The TNA candidate became the first MP elect to be declared in Nyeri County where her party had urged supporters to vote “six piece suit”.
It was sweet victory for Wambui yesterday who has had to bear the humiliation of being denied access to presidential functions in the constituency while Mugambi, who is the chairman of the Othaya Development Association, enjoyed the limelight and got generous time to address the functions.

Just last week, an official opening of the Sh750 million Othaya Level 4 Hospital was put off to avoid a possible confrontation with the TNA candidate.
The week before, the President had questioned the TNA candidate’s ability to lead the constituency.

He had told a rally at Othaya: “You may have potential but not capability. How can you lead if you cannot understand a simple thing as road construction?’’
It will be interesting to see how the outgoing first family will take the body blow from Wambui’s win, especially after the President and his son Jimmy publicly opposed her candidature.

Observers in Othaya said it was hard to crack the TNA candidate because she had been the president’s eyes in the constituency since he captured it in 1974.
Lawyer King’ara who has been campaigning for over three years was running on a Narc ticket while Mugambi decamped to Saba Saba Asili after losing in the TNA primaries to Wambui.

Former presidential aide Esau Kioni, who was in the race on a Democratic Party ticket, said the interference by the first family only served to win Wambui a lot of sympathy votes.
underdog candidate.

“Coming from Mahiga as her, there were a lot of my supporters telling me they had to support their daughter who was being put through the grinder. In the end, she gained the edge as the underdog candidate,” Kioni said yesterday.
Meanwhile, preliminary results from Laikipia County showed that Public Works Assistant Minister Mwangi Kiunjuri and his Industrialisation counterpart Ndiritu Muriithi were trailing their rival in the gubernatorial race.

A first timer in politics, Mr Joshua Irungu Wakahora of TNA clinched an early lead, and was still ahead of the two as well as Agano party’s candidate Mburu Kamau by yesterday evening.
By the time of going to press, Wakahora had garnered 25,034 votes from 107 out of 129 polling stations in Laikipia East constituency.

Kiunjuri had bagged 12,540 votes, Muriithi, 2,541 while Kamau had 2,221.
In the newly created Laikipia North constituency, Kiunjuri garnered 7,428 votes, while Muriithi got 3,258. Wakahora garnered 9,322 votes with Kamau getting 2,870 votes.
Laikipia North constituency was carved out of Laikipia East and Laikipia West constituencies.

Kiunjuri made history in 2007 when he became the first Laikipia East MP to be elected for three consecutive terms.

He was firts elected to parliament in 1997 on a DP ticket.
He then founded the Grand National Union (GNU) party on which he was contesting the governor’s position.

Muriithi, who is a nephew to president Kibaki, is a one-time Laikipia West MP, who trounced former minister GG Kariuki in 2007 on a PNU ticket.
But the UDF party member chose to face-off with Kiunjuri (GNU), Wakahora and Mburu in the county’ gubernatorial race.

FEMALE PREACHER Who Preaches With Her BOOBs OUT...Viewer Discretion is Advised...

I know the word of God says Thou shalt not judge...but is this a joke?

Guys please watch closely. Preaching can be in many forms... I suppose only men attend her church...

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE >>>>>>>>

WHY ‘REJECTED VOTES’ COME THIRD IN ELECTION...

IF there was a third candidate called ‘Rejected’, he would have come third in the presidential election behind Uhuru Kenyatta and Raila Odinga.

His 300,000 votes, at the time of writing, represented over 6 per cent of the votes cast. In some countries, spoiled ballots are actually protest votes where the citizen wants to make his or her displeasure felt.

But in Kenya on Monday, these spoiled ballots were almost certainly intended as votes for one or other of the presidential candidates.

The citizen who made mistakes on the ballot has therefore been disenfranchised; the vote he or she wished to cast has been invalidated.

Another undemocratic aspect of these spoiled ballots is that they will reduce the percentage vote of the leading candidates. They are counted as ‘cast’ votes of which the winning candidate has to get 50 per cent plus one.

These spoiled ballots could then be responsible for forcing the election into a run-off, something that might be very confusing for the ordinary citizen.

Voters may have been confused by multiple ballot papers, or by the colour and design of the ballots and boxes.

Whatever the reason, the IEBC needs to conduct an urgent analysis to find out what went wrong.

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